It is still hard having him be so distant but I understand his need for it. It pains be still that I am the reason for his pain but I don't know how I can ever make it up to him and show him how sorry I truly am that I hurt him.
The mediation and focus training didn't go too well thought I really try my best, I just so easily get distracted or bored. He said I am like a small child. He has become a hard but fair teacher. But I miss his more relaxed and playful side, the side I know is in there but seemingly swallowed up by darkness...
Sav was working when I came back, he has been working a lot the last couple of days but I don't blame him for trying to get his mind on something else for a change.
Cause so much has happened...
He is becoming better at controlling his energy when it is but I can still make him loose that control.
His questions has made my mind wander so much lately; what do I want? Where do I see myself in the future?
But is such a future even possible?, could I have that once? I makes me warm and cold inside at the same time...
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