3645 BY 5. recording

This is almost unbearable just laying here staring at the ceiling but wanting so badly to go to him... I dare not sleep, the nightmares will come... the darkness... But i wonder how long my body will accept the stimpacks i use to keep me awake... But i need to... I fear the darkness behind my eyes and in my dreams...

I snug over to his room when i heard his low snoring and watching him there... I don't know...

We are strangers again but he acts like nothing has happened and it makes me relax just a little.
After living on guard for two years do i even know how to reconnect with him?

I had forgotten the pull i feel when i am near him... The surge of the force flowing through me...
When our eyes meet in the cantina i knew it was him, but the fear of being taken back clouded everything.

I still cannot understand how I can feel like this for one of his kind... why? I hate everything he stands for, he is a killer... Well what am i now? am i not so much more alike him now?

Darth Aurrunai... Is he still looking for me, i wonder? His darkness makes me shiver even now... but i still have this nagging feeling that he let me escape... but why?

He taught me well. But it is a time i look back on with horror. When he tried to bring the force forth in me.. The torture... He was relentless but nothing helped and i almost died...

I gave in to get free.. I became his pet, his fighter and last his protoge but even though my collar was removed, when he was in a bad mood is wrath came swift and devestating.

I was a good little soldier... All the terrible things i did, just to get the chance to escape...

But watching him now, feeling the force awake inside me... Was it all worth it? I would say yes as i look at him... but...